The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Our Spring Break Adventures

Florida’s so basic… the Eighth Page hit up Atlantis because we always go against the grain. Reminded our parents that transcripts from the Academy don’t always represent how very hard we worked, Dad. Gazed out the window looking at the night sky contemplating what the stars had in mind for our horoscopes tomorrow. Will my…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on the Paths

“You give me lots of Cascada vibes.” “Pretty positive shin splints are just for when the trainers have no clue what’s actually wrong.” “Maybe a funny accent could be the change my counselor says I need.” “Yeah, my parents forgot to pick me up so I just stayed here… What’d you do for break?” “My…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Students and Faculty Both Surmise Reach App Would Be Less of a Failure if Zuckerberg Went Here Instead of Exeter Lower Paul Revere Girl No Longer In Withdrawal After Being Without Perk For “Like, So Long” Sykes’ New Initiative to Connect Sickly Students with Nature Causes Poison Ivy Outbreak Conspiracy Theorists Continue to Profess That…

Phillipian Satire: Exclusive Interview with  Incoming Head of School
The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Exclusive Interview with Incoming Head of School

Interviewer: John Palfrey’s resignation shocked the Andover commmunity last week. Naturally, we, the Eighth Page, campus’s most accurate, unbiased, and professional news source, thought it would be good to sit down with the new Head of School. Interviewer: Please introduce yourself. Elect: Ok, um, my name is Kimberly Kardashian West. I am from Calabasas, Calif.,…

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