The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Valentine’s Day Packages

Lotion (to combat the winter dryness of course)

Tissues (for crying, of course)

Pink Cucumbers, but the non-perishable kind

Latex gloves 

50 pink cupcakes to “share” 

A love letter (from grandma) 

Anime Girl Body Pillow

Plan B in bulk

A heart (fragile and perishable)

A boyfriend (FedEx notified potential delays)

Safety School Acceptance Letter (what says ‘love’ like improving their yield rate?)