The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on The Paths

“If another Senior complains about senioritis and they have an Ivy League laptop sticker, I’ll make them look even more forward to graduation.”

“I’m boring? She must be kidding. Last I checked, herpes is pretty exciting.”

“I mean, like, it’s 70 degrees somewhere right?” 

“He’s not my boyfriend. More like a pharmacist-with-benefits.”

“I hope Big Blue Baseball takes their Spring Break trip to the Bermuda Triangle and never comes back.”

“People say ‘pussy’ as if a pussy didn’t push their ugly heads into the world.”

“They definitely made the Commons espresso decaf. What’s next? Confiscating Celsius?” 

“Is ‘Daddy’ an inappropriate honorific to address my teachers?” 

“Pine Knoll should sell the seasoning they put in their water. It’s delicious!”