The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on The Paths

“Can I get a restraining order on all Chem teachers?”


“Do you put your balls in the condom too?”


“So the Andover Shop sells a PA flask but not a shotgun tool?”


“Who knew people wouldn’t enjoy my throwback Fortnite dances?”


“Lit, Crazy, Movie.” 


“I am so happy I go to boarding school, my parents would never let me leave the house with what I wore to the dance.”


“Don’t worry, no one else will be dressing up as fairies for Halloween.”


“Of course I’m wearing shorts, it’s not even snowing yet.”


“I’m pretty sure most kids get a boat for their 17th birthday. What are your parents supposed to get you? Another car?”


“If I can land an Ollie, will you go to Abbot with me? I promise I did it yesterday.”