The Eighth Page

Blue Key Actually Speaks to Freshman After Orientation Has Ended

In a surprising turn of events this past Wednesday, a Senior Blue Key Orientation Leader actually took full part in a brief conversation with one of the students from his orientation group. Despite the normal procedure of making awkward eye contact and continuing to chat with one’s own friends, a full two to three minute conversation actually took place between the Senior and Freshman. Even more surprisingly, the encounter completely lacked awkwardness on either side, excluding the uncomfortable opening handshake. “It all just kind of happened,” said a Lower who witnessed the conversation along with a few others. “We were all shocked. It’s not often that a Blue Key is willing to come to terms with the fact that he hung out with these kids for a full two days, and that it is, in fact, perfectly reasonable to talk to them days, sometimes even weeks, after.” Despite Blue Keys encouraging the students in their groups to keep in touch and approach them with any questions they may have over the course of the year, common procedure calls for complete cutoff of any future communication. Many think the recent encounter could pave the way to a new meaning to the term “Blue Key,” while others beg to differ. “No way will I ever talk to my kids again,” claimed a Senior wishing to remain anonymous. “I’m cooler than that. The whole point of being a Blue Key is so that you don’t have to talk to freshmen all year, except for the first two days. I’ve done my part, now they can do theirs and talk amongst themselves.” While some were outraged, others were quick to defend the “overly friendly” Senior, claiming that he has every right to treat his Blue Key students with respect. Studies from 2001-2003 show that not once in the past 23 years has a Blue Key talked to one of his or her Freshmen after orientation without immediately turning to his or her own group of friends to crack jokes behind the ninth-grader’s back. Some of the lines, which are always made audible enough for the new student to hear, include, “Kid’s a loser” and “What a tool,” comments which are not in any way funny but are sure to convince friends that you are in no way associated with the Freshman. Additionally, while Blue Keys may think they’re the only ones who see it as cool, the new students are also laughing. “My first weekend here was the worst weekend of my entire life,” claimed one freshman from 2008, “If I were to ever talk to my Blue Key again following those first few days, I’d be unbelievably disappointed in myself. He was an absolute loser.” Hence, while Blue Keys and their students continue to maintain brief, awkward relationships, this one incident of a perfectly normal conversation serves as a bright spot in a dark Blue Key world. There is hope for humankind.