Tragedy struck campus this week with another drive by snooting. Day students across campus are driving by boarders in their cars and bragging about the convenience of being able to drive. “I’m just not used to day students having anything to brag about,” said class of ’12 member Randall Pearson Blowsworth IX, “it really irks me, in all the wrong ways.”
Üpy Oars, new upper from North Andover, MA, drives his Subaru Outback through campus yelling, “Olly Olly Oxen-Free,” which, while totally irrelevant to the situation, has been offending twin students Left ’15 & Right ’15. “It just doesn’t make any sense,” sobbed Left.
Some boarders have complained that day students shouldn’t be able to drive unless they’ve walked a mile in a boarders shoes. I personally think this is a bad idea, as certain day students have really smelly feet. Like have you smelt that kid Norman’s feet? Wow, literally, nothing worse. Actually, now that I think about it, it’s a great thing that day students can drive, because I hate smelly feet.
