The Eighth Page

Holiday Jingles: From the Thanksgiving Vault

Here Comes Macy’s Day Parade A song about the annual arrival of the Jolly Ol’ Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Sung to the tune of “Here Comes Santa Claus” Here comes Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Here comes Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Right down Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Lane Pikachu and Snoopy and the other balloons they don’t have any brains. Stomachs are filling, children killing; All is happy and gay. Eat pumpkin pie and watch TV, ‘Cause Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade comes today. Here comes Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade! Here comes Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade! Right down Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Lane! The floats are big and commercialized To brainwash the children again. Hear those cash registers ka-chingle ka-changle, What a beautiful sight. Hide the money, run for the hills, Cause Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade comes tonight Pack That A Song about getting preparing to leave for Thanksgiving Break Sung to the chorus of Akon’s “Smack That” I feel bugs creeping, I can see my room’s a muddle Wanna jump up in my pimped out Logan bus shuttle I’m going home for break but I have to clean up now And possibly you can come over Come back and help me Pack that, pick up the floor Pack that, I clean the drawer Pack that, ‘till I get bored Pack that, ohh-ohhh! CORN A song the Native Americans used to teach us pilgrims what foods to eat Sung to the Village People’s “YMCA” Pilgrim, why the heck are you lame? I said, pilgrim, get your head in the game. I said, pilgrim, just ‘cause you’re merely insane doesn’t mean you can’t be full. Pilgrim, there’s a food you can eat. I said, pilgrim, when you get on your feet. You can eat some, and I’m sure you will find Many ways to get your fiber. It’s fun to eat lots of C-O-R-N! It’s fun to eat lots of C-O-R-N! It has everything for your Thanksgiving Day needs. You can eat it or make beads. It’s fun to eat lots of C-O-R-N. My Meal A song for the Thanksgiving Turkeys of America Sung to the chorus of Justin Timberlake’s “My Love” Because, you can see what I have planned. Stuffing you up with bread in my hands. I could eat you roasted or fried I just really hope you’ve already died. I’ll tell my dad in the Navy He’s gonna make you some gravy Oh bird, you amaze me Ain’t gonna be nothin’ lazy. See all I want you to do is be my meal. My meal, My meal. And I know no bird that could take your spot My meal Sorry, Sorry, Indians A formal apology to the Native Americans Sung to “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” Sorry, sorry Indians. We have plundered land within. You had taught us how to survive then we tried to skin you alive. Sorry, sorry, Indians. You helped us out, then we killed your kin.