The Eighth Page

Upper Management

If Upper Management were an animal, it would be a three-headed emu. With a flowing mane. And venomous fangs. And the ability to shoot laser beams from its talons. And wings. But it can’t fly. Like a penguin. Tim Ghosh leads the way, and looks to use his position of power to reach out to the PA community in ways “no former Editor in Chief has.” When asked about his role at The Phillipian, Ghosh said the paper “takes a backseat only to his dedication to spreading the fads of brightly colored urban clothing and flat brims.” As for Celia, we’re going to state the obvious: she is clearly Cora Lewis disguised and unwilling to leave the newsroom. When was the last time you had a class or ate lunch with both of them? How about the cover-up of changing her position from Editor in Chief to Managing Editor on the new board so as to mask the obvious? Still not clear enough to you? Why don’t you take a look at the back of Celia’s neck sometime, and try to tell me that a clearly defined rubber flap is not visible. Don’t say I didn’t tell you so when Celia doesn’t show up next Fall. Finally, there’s Ben “The Sellout” Prawdzik. A former Features writer turned serious person, Ben can be characterized as a good person, caring friend, and lying, backstabbing traitor. Ben enjoys writing, playing video games, telling his friends that he will always be there for them but not coming through, and probably stealing. He’s also illiterate. Good call, CXXXI.