“We were both young when I first saw you…except for me,” Taylor Swift sang while standing beneath the Rockwell window of Lou Zer ’16 just last Saturday. PA students crowded around the pop icon in disbelief that after dating someone who actually brushes his teeth, Swift would so quickly move on to Zer, a freshman notorious for nauseating halitosis. Previously known as “Deactiv,” Zer was the forgotten, pimply, 50-pound, turtleneck-wearing, socially inept freshman. But his new relationship with Taylor Swift has quickly propelled him to local celebrity status. He currently has 90 standing offers to the Sadie Hawkins Dance, 15 illegal prom invitations and an entire room dedicated to him in Elson Art Center. However, Zer remains faithful, saying that Swift is his “punkin pie.” Many are still puzzled as to how Taylor Swift discovered this lump-of-coal-suddenly-turned-diamond in the mine that is the Day Student Lockers. Some say Swift was made aware of the large number of photographs downloaded of her from IP addresses tracing back to the DSL and decided to check out this oversized fanbase. Swift, however, says she was “simply attracted to his overwhelming animal magnetism. You may not be able to feel it, but I can.” While Zer and Swift’s relationship seems all fine and dandy now, what with their sunset walks in the Sanctuary and fancy dinners at the Andover Inn, students are already speculating when this will go sour. “We want a number one hit about PA!” Fran Girl ’16 said, anticipating Zer and Swift’s breakup and the resulting heartbreak melodies that will ensue. Students remain hopeful that a song written about Swift and Zer’s inevitable breakup will finally dispel the rumor that “PA is only worth diploma day.” We can only hope.
