Outrage consumed campus last weekend over the complete absence of massive bovine corpses at Friday’s club rally. One student said, “I was shocked at the total dearth of perished bulls. Now, I know when too much is too much, but you’d think club presidents would show some effort in enticing us to sign up.”
Indeed, not one organization thought to purchase the remains of a solid, hefty taurus for the school event. “There was candy – or was that banned too? Either way, extracurricular leaders have to understand that sweets won’t do the trick,” said an upset community member. “I was so excited to join some new clubs for the Winter Term, but when I showed up, there was not a single once-mighty but now-fallen cow skeleton. I’m easy to impress, really. I don’t need the Minotaur, but I can’t comprehend why no one brought the flesh and bones of a giant ox into Susie’s.”
Disagreement over the size of such a beast proved to divide the activists of slain livestock. Although many clamored for a dense, fully-grown body weighing at least 1,500 pounds, the administration informed students that “many clubs do not have the funds to buy anything more than a petite lifeless calf.” By Wednesday, the outcry faded as Andover found new issues with the utter lack of deplumed pigeon cadavers at All-School Meeting.
