I am thankful for the library proctor’s new vacation home in Saint Maarten. I paid for it in overdue fines. I am thankful for the Commentary section. I don’t need my own opinions when I can have Jenn Schaffer’s. I am thankful for Harrison’s Roast Beef. Once I started frequenting this hot spot, I realized an entirely new cross section of the Merrimack Valley. I am thankful for the Blackboard Academic Suite. My favorite tab is “Community.” I am thankful for diversity. All of my friends and I have different color Longchamp bags. I am thankful for the CCC!!! It fills my spirits and my inbox. I am thankful for Katy Perry. After her song “Hot N Cold,” she made menopause socially acceptable. I am thankful for urologists. Now that the only men’s bathroom in the library is shutdown, many of my male friends will need to be seeking their help with their newly acquired bladder diseases. I am thankful for cross-dressing. For those of my male friends that feel weird about seeing urologists, they can always cross dress and be rogue women’s bathroom users. I am thankful for Sarah Palin. She brought women to a different place in our country—from the kitchen to the hockey rink! I am thankful for Obama. Malin Adams ’09 could learn a thing or two about change. I received 14 cents back after paying for my Andover/Exeter t-shirt. I am thankful for global warming. Turns out it was so hot on Halloween that wearing as little clothing as possible with animal ears was the only weather-appropriate clothing. Thank you greenhouse gases. I am thankful for the ability to change my name on facebook.com. By changing my name to Emma T-Money G-stein, colleges will no longer be able to distinguish me from all of the other Emma T-Money G-stein’s and therefore, won’t be able to view the obscene photographs I proudly display on my Facebook page.
