iPhone X
Pros:
Everyone knows Daddy bought it for you
Easier to check yourself out without people noticing
Really great image resolution
Cons:
The ‘X’ reminds you of X and how much you miss him 🙁
No home button forces you to confront how your childhood is wasting away before your eyes and you may never truly have a real “home” ever again
No headphone jack– we’re still kind of mad
Google Pixel
Pros:
You get to avoid the stress of dating because no one will ever go for you
Sleek and innovative design makes it really easy to hold
Pritty kullers make us happi
Cons:
All the assassination attempts on your life hurt after awhile (literally, though, bullet wounds don’t heal fast)
Off-brand Siri has a less attractive voice (but that’s totally not what we’re into)
Java is marxist
Nokia 3310
Pros:
Practical
Fits in Belt Holder (retails for 19.99 dollars plus shipping and handling)
Ginormous chick magnet
Cons:
Hard to update
Matches with your grandfather’s bed nurse
Who are we kidding, the Nokia is perfect in every way
