The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: 5 Things to Expect from PALFREY’S LAST YEAR!

1.  A big party: Sure, it’s a bummer Palfrey’s leaving, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t celebrate his time here! The black-tie gala honoring the Snyder Center will also double as a magnificent masquerade ball exalting the Boy King himself, John Palfrey.

2.  More than one Head of School Day: Speaking of parties! Fire up your ovens, Aramark, because you’ll be making a lot of HOSD cupcakes come Winter Term. Everyone knows JP’s favorite part of the job is cancelling it, so expect at least two days off thanks to that sweet, sweet squash racquet.

3.  A new infirmary: Yes, please! Construction on the John Palfrey Institute for Health and Wellness will begin in early 2018, with state-of-the-art facilities like classrooms and yoga mats to replace the old and out-of-date Sykes Center.

4.  Establishment of ceremonial tombstone in campus cemetery: As is tradition upon the departure of a PA Head of School, a gravestone with Palfrey’s name on it will be erected so that the ashes of his tenure may rest alongside the hallowed bones of those who came before.

5.  Fundraising: Now that the trustees and Palfrey have mutually decided to part ways, we’re going to need some money to keep things running until we find a replacement. So get ready to get out your checkbooks!