The Eighth Page

U.C.A. Politics

Hello from the other side (of the border).

After its secession from the United States of America, the United Clusters of Andover announced its new strategy on foreign policy.

In an official statement from the Office of Border Security, Officer McDonalds proclaimed, “All football Post-Graduates will be reassigned as border patrol officers.

Members of the water polo team will now be stationed at the various moats surrounding the border in order to manage any and all immigration affairs.

The United Clusters of Andover operates on a Blue Book-based legal system which clearly states that anyone found attempting to enter the country without proper Admissions Office-issued documents will be prosecuted and locked in Graves Hall.
The mood there has been quite grave lately. As of now, a barbed wire fence surrounds the very secure border. We will, however, build a giant wall if necessary and make the United States of America pay for it.

All members working in the Dean of Students office will become Secret Service for the Almighty King Palfrey, and will be required to follow him and his children at all times to enforce his safety and the safety of his children’s scooters.

“We strive to do everything possible to maintain peaceful relations with the United States. Unfortunately, our alliance with the U.S. has grown shaky after we accused their Department of Transportation of stealing our scooters,” said King Palfrey.

Any country that has a higher General Prosperity Average (GPA) will be considered to have personally attacked the United Clusters of Andover and will most likely be combated with a firm admonishment.

If necessary, large scale military action may be utilized. Additionally, we plan to compete internationally at the Olympics, with our top sports being the (Butternut) Squash Team in the winter and the Rack and Yield team in the summer.

Please take note that the United Clusters of Andover takes its international relations very seriously, and any opposition to this statement should be directly communicated to the U.S. government, because they won’t do anything about it.