The Eighth Page

The Power of the Christmas Sweater

My entire life changed when I received my first Christmas sweater last week. This sweater possesses many fantastical powers.

My sweater depicts a Starbucks holiday cup sitting in Hell, engulfed in flames among the anguished screams of a thousand wandering souls.

This year, I went around the Christmas party telling people about the dangers of the war on Christmas and instead of disinviting me from any future parties, they just laughed it off when they saw my sweater.

My grandmother knitted this ugly Christmas sweater for me. I told her that the sweater would look fabulous on me. It matches my eyes, which possess a fire of passion within them. It looks great at the bottom of my dresser as well as on me during the one time a year I wear it…to the Ugly Christmas Sweater party.
I have to make sure to block Granny on Facebook before posting the photo of me winning the Ugliest Sweater Competition.

I can’t wait for next year’s Christmas sweater party! Oh wait the world is gonna end in 4 months according to the alignment of the stars. Nvm.