The Eighth Page

A Review of the Bathrooms

There are many common experiences among Andover students: All-School Meetings, eating in Paresky Commons, working together on teams or in extracurriculars; the list goes on and on. But above all these experiences (or perhaps below it, literally speaking) exists our combined use of sanitation facilities. Yes, I am talking about the bathroom. It would be a flat-out lie to claim that the bathroom is not is not a central part of any student’s day. Between Snapchat, Candy Crush and 2048, I have witnessed how the bathroom takes up about 12 percent of the average student’s day. Given how important bathrooms have been to my Andover experience (and how many paper cuts my body has suffered), I have decided to grade and rank the bathrooms on campus. I have mainly focused on the facilities of academic buildings, since math and English are always the best toilet times. I behold to thee the culmination of four years at Andover:

**Graves** : My God! Is this a bathroom or a sauna or a prison cell? As I write these notes on my iPhone, I don’t even have room for my legs… smh. Toilet paper is definitely subpar, and there’s a crack in the door that allows anyone washing their hands to see who’s on the only men’s toilet in the building. The entire bathroom is cramped and makes doing my business a miserable experience.

Grade: 1


**Morse** : Bathroom is relatively well kept, but the facilities are getting old. There are no windows above the sinks, and the toilets themselves are small and cramped. But the pie charts on the door handles are a nice touch.

Grade: 3


**Pearson** : Still have yet to visit this building… You’re probably not missing much here.

Grade: N/A


**Isham** : I will admit that it sucks to feel that I’m in 20th century Alcatraz. However, the more-soft 1000 toilet paper is a gamechanger — it is the best one-ply paper I’ve ever used, better than a lot of its two-ply brethren. Also, the Isham nurses are angels, and you can pick up some good snacks on the way out.

Grade: 4


**Library** : The bathroom, for the most part, is not spectacular. But I find the toilet paper above average, and the flushes are very nice. Also, the huge stall next to the window with a big mirror across from the toilet, known as “The Throne,” is just an awesome experience.

Grade: 4+


**Commons** : The bathrooms here are solid all the way around. The toilet paper has a nice pattern, and the flushes are very strong yet efficient. There is usually a nice ambiance to the place as well. There is also a rumor that Susie’s has two-ply (I will neither confirm nor deny this rumor)!

Grade: 5


**Gelb** : Big, nice stalls on second and third floors, and even the first floor is spacy. It also has some of the best toilet paper in the league. But beware: sometimes the single stalls have been known to not lock, exposing students at the worst time possible.

Grade: 5


**Bulfinch** : Just like the rest of the buildings, the bathrooms here have been beautifully renovated. Marble floors, incredible lighting and expansive stall space make any toilet experience here a great one.

Grade: 6


**Addison** : similar to the bathrooms in Bullfinch, the bathrooms here are simply fantastic. I feel privileged just to be able to sit on such fine facilities. The toilet paper is top-class, protecting your behind from bruises. Any crap here is transformed into a work of art.

Grade: 6