It’s Halloween. You want candy. It is standard to bring a plastic pumpkin or even a pillow bag, but neither of these will be enough for you. I have a method that will allow you to collect more candy than ever before. Your first task is to rent a dump truck and to pay someone to follow you around. You will get lots of candy, and you will need this space. Next, you will need a taser. This is the key to unlimited candy. The last thing you will need to have ahead of time is a fast and sneaky friend. They will be the stealer, and you will be the enforcer. Promise them half of the candy, but be ready to turn on them at the end of the night. Next, get to the tricking. Begin trick or treating. Look for homes that are occupied by only one person, preferably someone who is easy to overcome physically. Ring the doorbell, and when the resident answers, punch them in the nuts. Have your servant run inside and take all of their candy. Have him put it into the dump truck. Rinse and repeat. Eventually, the cops will show up. Hide in the dump truck. The cops will now search the dump truck. This is when the taser comes in handy. Tase the cops and hop in their car. If more cops come and shootout begins, use some of your candy to distract the cops and then get the hell out of there in your dump truck. Flee to Mexico and overthrow a candy factory. Rename yourself Willy Wonka. You are now named Willy Wonka, have a chocolate factory and are an absolutely amazing person. Not to mention you have unlimited candy and the best story ever. -Max Carillo-Ostrow
