The Eighth Page

4 Years Later, Senior Regrets Buying Novelty Napoleon Dynamite T-Shirt

Four years after buying a Napoleon Dynamite novelty T-shirt, Senior Liam Fairweather ’09 openly expressed feelings of remorse in regards to his purchase. The T-shirt in question, which reads the then popular slogan, “Vote for Pedro,” is the same style of shirt that the titular character wears in the movie. “I don’t want it anymore, mom!” Fairweather was heard shouting in his living room early last Saturday morning. “Well, you’re going to wear it!” replied Fairweather’s mother, “Do your father and I look like we’re made out of up-to-date novelty T-shirts?” Fairweather told an anonymous source last week that for the past year he has been unable to find a day to wear the shirt and, as he says, “not look like a frickin’ tool.” “He’s an… eccentric guy,” said his math teacher. “He’s got one of those novelty cans of nuts from which emerge not nuts, but a leaping, spring-loaded, false snake. He’s spent entire classes quoting Billy Madison under his breath and the only jokes he tries to make start with ‘take my wife…please!’ I still don’t get it.” At the time of Fairweather’s first viewing of the movie, he was cited by a close friend as having “peed his pants,” “gotten red in the face” and “peed his pants again.” “I mean, look at the guy!” laughed Fairweather in a recent interview, “he may or may not be mentally challenged!” A recent study shows that about one in every twenty high school males will regret purchasing novelty T-shirts that they buy on a whim. But according to his younger sister, Fairweather is not just another statistic. “I remember he really, really wanted that stupid shirt,” said Katy Fairweather. “It’s too bad he only wore it once—maybe twice—since he got it four years ago.”