The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Eighth Page’s Long Overdue Apologies

Jan 26, 2023

As a trusted publication devoted to the pursuit of ethical journalism, the Eighth Page would like to apologize to the following parties:

Commons pollock
Makerspace kids
Sir David Attenborough
Native Americans?
EBI (an effective and appreciated Andover specialty)
Putin
Elyse (just kidding, it’s her job to deal with us)
Andover’s disciplinary systems, past and present
The Deans (you guys rock!)
Students who participate in class
That guy who sends the email for HOS day
8P parents
ASM speakers
Communists
Jewish people?
MLK
The Board of Trustees (we enjoy the funds)
The rest of the Newsroom

Sincerely,
The Eighth Page