The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Freshman Class Rep Profiles

Nov 5, 2026

Abdula La-Goat (Blue)

Catchphrase: “We are the Big Blue!”

Top 6 Initiatives:

Integrated freshman dorms (girls+boys!)
No more phone policy >:(
Money for everyone!!!
Freshman-Senior Dance
PA+AHS “Networking” Event
College Counseling for Freshman

Kyson Stetson (Red)

Catchphrase: “Make Andover Great Again!!!”

Top 5 Initiatives:

Digital add-drop
Pass/Fail Winter Term (and hopefully all year!)
Earlier YES+ talks
No more class meetings! DENIED BY ADMINISTRATION
Thicker toilet paper in boys’ dorms
No more LITW!