Grace Chen is secretly The Thinker
Thiago “for the photo” Jollon
Gentry enjoys kicking rocks in his free time
Another thinker over here
NEPSAC Girls Hockey Recruiting Profile: Grace Chen
Grace Chen comes in at a whopping 4 foot 7 and 78 pounds, all the way from Hingham, Massachusetts (not China!). Her malnutrition possibly contributes to her stature. As a goalie, Grace has been spotted shooting more shots (on BVH) than stopping shots. Her field goal and save percentage both sit at a clean .100, making her the best goalie in the history of GJVH. While it is hard to see her underneath the pads, we can assure that her game face is comparable to OJ Simpson’s.
Gentry Thatcher:
Where to begin. While Gentry does signify nobility, he certainly did not live up to his noble name. After a rather spartan education (the Pike School), Gentry arrived at Andover multiple math levels too high. Unfortunately, we must concede this: Gentry is a math whiz. Consider him like Will Hunting, just without the Boston accent, good looks, pluck, and girls’ phone numbers. In fact, Gentry is so good at math he probably frequently misses out on female companionship to prepare for math competitions. Gentry’s STEM prowess is all a distraction from his true talent: baseball. On the diamond, Gentry embodies a Muhammad Ali quote: “Float like a butterfly, it stings when I pee.” This is probably why he was known as “Genitals” on the team. While running out his groundouts, Gentry gives the appearance of a giraffe suffering from polio. Someone needs to put this animal down.
A report from The Phillipian Human Resources Department: Thiago Jollon
Though he fosters many strong relationships with older, larger, men (he really is the coach’s secret weapon), Thiago also loves his weekly debates with a certain Emirati counterpart (also known as her ‘little Swedish meatball’). On the rink, Thiago skates like a red inflatable gas station tube man, both in shape, complexion, and flailing gestures. Thiago was once hit so unimaginably hard that the goal came off the 6U Pegs (mass moves mass). He is the third-best BJVH player in his own dorm of nine. When he isn’t glued to Instagram for his allotted 1 minute per day, Thiago can be found perusing through various literature in Commons with nobody sitting next to him. It’s a little sad.
