Out with the old, in with the new. To get with the new year (and in preparation of our impending purchase by CBS news) this leaked document shows what the Eighth page will be leaving in 2025 and its goals for 2026.
Resolution
Make some money. It is not acceptable to still be broke after the Big Don’s Liberation Day tariffs. After the Somalian daycare method was patched, options were limited. If insider trading on geopolitics doesn’t work, there is one final resort. The password to the Eighth page onlyfans account is TallAndTangy27.
Not get censored.
Make a video. The film medium has yet to be graced by an eighth page video.
Things the eighth page is leaving in 2025
Censorship
Not making videos
Ins
Somalian Operating Daycares
Greenland
Nike Techs
Brown Portfolio Videos- Bonus points if it’s a Double Brick Dorm Tour
Various Pyrotechnics
Sparklers- especially near flammable surfaces
Grooming
Discovering Stars and getting into college
Quarterzips + Matcha
Bushes
The Australian MLK Day Parade
The Big Thatcher
The Bull
Billy
Me in Japan
True College Girls
outs
Asking Congress for permission
Debates on college campuses
Political protest at flagpole
Old Couches
House parties
Pennies
Lebron 10 point games
Land Acknowledgements
Jimmy (Kimmel)
Public Arguments
Minneapolis
Peanut Butter
Hazing (non-consensual)
