They came in dark, fast, and hard. The Class of 2026 Senior Cruise trip was once a trip for many to enjoy their final moments of their time at Andover, but today, the boat got hijacked. It was quite easy to do so as the Seniors, while cautious at first, were required to abide by their EBI training and included the pirates in the activities. After a quick round of “Two Truths and a Lie” (“I’m armed, I’m dangerous, Andover has the smartest kids in the country”), the pirate ended up being integrated into the community, and the group applauded his vulnerability.
“Look at me. Look at me!” The pirates say, “I’m the captain now!”. The Seniors responded with validation and assurance; the pirates knew they belonged on the boat and by extension on campus. And with that, they steered the ship towards the twin buildings of Morse and Pearson, ready to crash the party back at their second “home”. They collected jewelry, phones, and almost anything of value. One Senior bravely offered their Flagstaff hoodie, but the pirates immediately hurled it overboard, citing Geneva Convention violations.
When all seemed lost, the hijackers were thwarted by the Blue Key Heads. The Dean of Students Office released a statement later that night: “While the boat was hijacked, our commitment to inclusion has never been stronger. Every pirate deserves a seat at the table, as long as they pay the almost $80,000 in tuition. That is true Empathy, Balance, & Inclusion.” They concluded by announcing that future Senior Cruises will be replaced with “land-based bonding experiences where we are ‘All In’ at Susie’s,” citing the lower risk of maritime terrorism. Consequently, in the subsequent year, Seniors with a misinterpretation of what was meant during the announcement were not allowed to graduate.
