In response to recent cuts to PBS funding, beloved childhood characters from “Sesame Street”, “Curious George”, “Wild Kratts”, and “The Magic School Bus” have rallied together, launching a full-scale revolution on Capitol Hill. The uprising, dubbed the “PBS Rebellion,” has been marked by anarchy, educational chaos, and puppet-driven demonstrations.
The day began with glass shattered as Big Bird, towering over senators at a whopping 8-foot-2, hurled himself through the window, squawking “DON’T MESS WITH PBS!” while Elmo was overheard telling reporters, “Elmo not tickled by budget cuts!” Meanwhile, Oscar the Grouch enthusiastically endorsed the turmoil, claiming this was “the best day of my life.”
Chaos escalated when Curious George climbed atop the Capitol dome, yelling “ooh-ooh-aah-aah-aah,” which roughly translates to, “Curiosity didn’t kill PBS; Trump did!” His handler, the Man in the Yellow Hat, was arrested briefly but released after George negotiated his freedom with the promise of “more police representation on Curious George.”
The Kratt brothers, equipped with animal-powered suits, burst into congressional hearings using creature powers to mimic the speed of cheetahs and the strength of gorillas, essentially conducting wildlife-themed guerrilla tactics, to make the issue at the forefront of their meetings. Chris Kratt declared, “We’re teaching Congress firsthand about habitats… the habitat of common sense!”
Ms. Frizzle and her students from the Magic School Bus crashed directly through the Capitol walls, offering impromptu science lessons to confused legislators. The Frizz, ever resourceful, shrunk Mitch McConnell to ant-size briefly, urging him to “walk in someone else’s shoes… or, you know, tiny ant legs.”
As the revolt gained momentum, PBS issued an ultimatum demanding not only a restoration of funding but also unlimited cookies for Cookie Monster, and mandatory nap times for all children under 6.
The White House, scrambling to restore peace, has reportedly reached out to Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood for diplomatic assistance, though Mr. Tiger has yet to comment, preferring to “take a deep breath and count to four.”
In an unexpected twist, bipartisan support for PBS appears imminent, if only to restore Capitol order. Bert and Ernie were seen drafting the compromise legislation, advocating unity while also arguing about whether muppets deserve voting rights.
Congress is expected to reconvene tomorrow after “nap time” concludes.
