The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

The Ice Cream Truck Man Blames Tariffs for the 110 percent Increase in Prices

Andover Football Star Falls Victim to Prank Call Offering DIII Scholarship

Students Who Are Part of Nokia Flip Phones Experiment Report 46 percent More Happiness Without the Pressures of Microsoft Verification and Canvas Notifications

Intercepted Phone Calls Report Arrangements for a Coup against the Lower Class Reps

BKH Tryouts ALMOST As Weird as the Random Bernie Sanders Visit Last Year

As Tensions Between India and Pakistan Rise, 6.0 Andover Student Recommends That India Uses 10 Percent of their Military to Level the Playing Field