Reported by Eighth Page Staff with approval of Kelvin
It’s time you met the man behind the camera. Learn all about Kelvin Ma, the noble eighth page photographer and illustrator, as we guide him through a thoroughly thought-out interview.
What’s your favorite part about working for 8P?
The glory and fame that comes with it.
What do you like to do in your free time?
I like to drop Joel Embiid hate speech and follow femboy asians on twitter.
If you had to marry a cartoon character who would it be and why?
The Amazing World of Gumball Mom
As a proud Diabetic, what is your favorite way to stabilize your blood sugar?
I really like Welch’s fruit snacks and morphine!
Who’s your biggest Role Model?
Charles Barkely because he’s not fat anymore and Yao Ming because he’s Chinese
You get Kidnapped, how are you getting out?
How freaky is the guy that kidnapped me?
Your school crush asks to borrow a pencil. What do you do?
I’d probably start lickin the pencil.
Now let’s say you’ve aggressively chewed all of your pencils, are you still handing one over?
Yes. I don’t care if there’s tooth marks or skid mark I’m handing them over with a smirk!
What is a staple in your closet?
Man Ion know?!? Next question.
Let’s say that you start to feel really nauseous and you aren’t sure if it’s the flu or if it’s the hot air or if maybe just maybe it’s all of the pencils that you have eaten, you feel it coming up your throat, you begin to projectile vomit all over the classroom, yellow wood shards flying out of your mouth, the eraser comes shooting out last and hits your teacher smack dab in the middle of his bald head, he collapses and you try to resuscitate him but you have splinters in your lips so when you do mouth to mouth you become stuck to your teachers, and then, just then, you realize you kinda liked it. What would you do then, huh Kelvin?
YOU SAID IT WAS 8 QUESTIONS! HOW’D YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!
I would intentionally put more pencils in my mouth and repeat the process with the hot firefighter that is trying to save me.
