Fellow Students,
On this day, we accept this esteemed position with grace and respect to the editors who came before us. We would like to take this time to commend each of the other excellent candidates. The application was rigorous, perhaps why so few completed it. The few the proud.
Because of our commitment to politically correct humor, we believe we are apt to produce the best content the 8th page has ever witnessed. En route to this election victory, we have triumphed and are emerging as our most humorous and politically correct selves.
After a two-year hiatus, women are officially funny again! Piper, fortunately, got elected before Trump’s Anti-DEI initiatives were implemented.
After the Declaration of Independence was signed, Virginia statesman John Page wrote to Thomas Jefferson: “The 8th page will bring harmony to the Union”. We couldn’t agree more. It’s time to stand up for our values: comedy, truth, and the absence of actual values. Thank you for electing us as your editors; we couldn’t have done it without you.
God Bless you all, and God bless America.
