Sykes Scrambles to Hide the Identities of Top Leadership. On an Unrelated Note, Sykes’ Accommodations Budget Has Increased by 300%
Santa Claus’ Sleigh Shot Down Over Kazakhstan – UN Confirms St. Nicholas Was Harboring Georgian Prime Minister En Route to Russia
North Pole Whistleblower Who Exposed Poor Elf Working Conditions Found Dead, Autopsy Reveals COD as “Homicide Accidental Death Via 17 Candy Cane Stab Wounds to the Back”
Looming Ivy Admissions Date Forces Admissions Officers to “Deny, Defend, Depose” Applications
Ghost of Ted Kaczynski Appears at AMC Test in Morse, Reminded Students of the Rising Prices and Corruption
History Teachers Reportedly Hired by the Grinch “to Curtail Students’ Jolliness”
Police Discovered That Luigi Mangione, Alleged Killer of United CEO, Was After the Company’s Shrooms to Give to his Brother Mario
