Greetings, Givers of PA Life,
It’s the eighth page, and we wanted to take this opportunity on the slight chance that you have any interest in the complicated inner workings of the Andover community, so you took the logical jump to read the 8th page to address some common concerns parents have about their kids. Here is our accurate, personal advice.
For starters, do any of the following phrases pertain to your child?: Natural Born Leader, mature-for-age, prefers to talk to adults over kids, intelligence intimidates students and teachers alike, hyper fixates on niche topics to satisfy unattended genius. Well, if so, then this message is for you.
Are you worried your sweet pumpkin’s lack of social skills at home will continue into high school and that they will spend their days spiraling down internet rabbit holes and leaving “not-very-nice” comments on creepy internet forums? Well, fear no more. At Andover, your kid can find many of their kinfolk with similar guilty pleasures.
The course load at Andover can be rigorous, but do not fear. Your child is here to become the best version of you themselves, so whenever you think you’re pushing them too hard, just remember that there’s always someone better than them. Push them harder! If they ask you whether they should sign up for a club they’re passionate about (or, God forbid, an English class), tell them that Mark Zuckerberg didn’t get to where he is through trivial things like “critical thinking” or “passions.” After all, the teachers here are the biggest stumbling block for your child on their way to the peak of the glorious capitalist system.
Remember that teacher your kid told you about, the one who apparently hates your child for “no reason”? Yeah, your intuition is correct. The teachers here DO hate America and, by extension, hate your God-fearing, apple-pie-loving child.
But hey, enjoy visiting your kid’s classes and being awkwardly lectured by teaching fellows who could also be your children, tell your kid you loved meeting their friends, and leave out that their parents might seem a little “off.” After all, high school is a totally weird and disorienting time.
Happy Family Weekend!
