The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Student Leaders Ascend En Masse After Following the “Identify, Process, Manage” Method

 

Bell Tower on Lockdown In Anticipation of George Bush’s Return to Campus

 

Andover Liquor Shop Stocks Up 500% In Anticipation of First Dance

 

Dr. Kington Steps Down After Allegedly “Bernie Madoffing” School Funds

 

Study Finds that YOU (yes, you reading this) Are Behind on College Apps

 

Econ Students Find That Adderall is an “Inelastic” Campus Good