Position: President of Bird Watching Society
Description: I stalk, incapacitate, and violate finches and black-capped chickadees while instructing my fellow elites in the art of bird watching.
Position: Andover Varsity Quidditch Captain
Description: I defended beaters and maneuvered on my big black broomstick.
Position: YES+ Coordinator
Description: Play show and tell with condoms and dildos.
Position: TikTok Redditor
Description: I post utterly unimaginable stories read in a monotone voice on TikTok as well as Subway Surfers gameplay.
Position: Eco-Leader
Description: I dealt with composted stiff socks and moldy tissues for several consecutive years.
