The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

“Room Tour” Strat Patched with Andover’s Decision of Closed Weekend for Opening of School

 

R-Block (Rockwell) Makes West Quad North Most Dangerous Cluster on Campus

 

Paresky Commons Goes 0/7 in Opening Week; Highlights Include Freeze-Dried Meatloaf and Freshy-Sliced Chalk

 

Certain CVS Toys See Drastic Decrease in Sales Following Free Laundry Machine Access