The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Andover on Promoting “Women’s Domestic Activities” With New Doily-Shaped Benches on Abbot Campus

Boys Hockey Player Gives TEDx Speech on How to Get Laid

New Blue Key Head Found Asphyxiated in Blue Paint, Previous Heads Deny Hazing Allegations 

Sykes Counselors Offices Overflowing Following Mock AP Exams, Students Looking Forward to Round Two

College Fair Attendance at an All-Time High Following Class of 2024 College Decisions