Dr. Kington Hospitalized After Falling Off High Horse
Revisit Day was a Complete Disaster as the Admissions Office Reported Several Complaints of Upperclassmen Barking at Incoming Freshmen.
Three Students Indefinitely Suspended After Harmonizing in a Rendition of “London Bridge” Upon Hearing About the Key Bridge Collapse.
Race Horse Breeder Arrested for “Contaminating the Gene Pool”
Man Banned From Church After Asking Why Martin Luther Founded “Prostateism”
Andover Junkyard Runs Out of Room to Store Discontinued PAPS Cars, Vehicles Instead Dumped in Rabbit Pond
Student Dies of Boredom After Finishing All “New York Times” Games in the First 15 Minutes of Class
Freshman Boy Woos Girl By Bending 50 New Tin Foil Forks in Commons with One Hand: Calls It “Rizz”
