Over the years I have been here, it has become increasingly clear that you fools are in desperate need of some structure. As Andover’s resident savant, I feel that it is my duty to share my wisdom with you… undesirables. As such, I have decided to record a day in my life during finals week.
5:00 a.m.: I wake up and stare at my ceiling for two hours to maximize sleep loss. Once I get out of bed, I go over my script for the conversation I plan to have with my English teacher about the complex nuances of the systems of power in our novel. He claims he’s sick of me not letting anyone else talk, but I think he’s just testing me to see if I’ll give in to the pressure of the lesser-thans. After a few quick additions to my theory of super-duper-special relativity, I head to class.
9:47 a.m.: I was too good for that stupid English class anyway.
9:55 a.m.: Time for physics class. I noticed my teacher was moving a bit slowly today, so I decided to keep her on her toes by calling in a bomb threat. As expected, she lost her cool and rushed to call the “professionals” instead of preparing to defuse it herself. Some doctorate…
12:00 p.m.: Lunchtime. I make sure to power my brain with only the purest nutrients. I work on my history paper as I eat, coming across as so locked in that the rest of the students feel too ashamed to sit within a 30-foot radius of me.
12:30 p.m.: Grind time. I don my Genius-Inducing Mathematical Paraphernalia (GIMP) suit and get to work. Thanks to my agreement with Beezelbub, I can use six monitors to work on every class simultaneously.
6:00 p.m.: Waifu break! “Butt Attack Punisher Girl Gotaman” here I come!
7:00 p.m.: I improve my critical thinking skills by pondering the factors that contribute to mass homelessness. Ultimately, I decide that they should ask their parents to buy a home for them. Once again, I prove to myself that my brain is superior to that of the lowly proletariat.
7:15 p.m.: Bathroom break.
1:45 a.m.: I study for tomorrow’s math test. Unfortunately, my brain works too fast to comprehend the works of the simpletons. I instead work on my personal project: sewing on an additional finger so that people know my GPA just by shaking my hand.
4:45 a.m.: I reflect on the day. By my count, I made eye contact three times today. I’ll need to get that number down if I’m to have any shot at graduating magnum cum loud.
