Bob Cuts: An incredibly stylish haircut rocked only by the most authoritative of figures. Although this haircut was not banned, it has been retired to the Phillips Academy Hall of Fame.
Dopamine: Andover has taken the next steps in ensuring that our lives are as miserable productive as possible. With dopamine banned, it is now impossible to experience even the smallest hints of happiness. Our streets will no longer be plagued by fun!
Socks: Following the brutal beating of a Rockwellian with a suspiciously hard sock, the administration has decided that students are better off without feet protectors.
Magnets: After several physics students complained that E&M was too hard, the Academy decided to ban all electromagnetic fields within its boundaries.
Black Tar Heroin: Sorry to all you Bartlet junkies — After 246 years, Phillips Academy has finally vaulted the good stuff.
Glue Sticks: Several students were recently hospitalized after participating in a practice known as “glicking,” in which individuals sniff glue sticks to get high. In response to this naughtiness, Andover has banned all glue sticks from campus.
The Eighth Page: The Eighth Page has been temporarily banned after several students asphyxiated from laughing at its most recent issue.
Varsity Jackets: Makes some JV athletes feel bad (definitely not us though)
