The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Anonymous Eighth Pagers Outed as Exceptional Swifties Prior to Superbowl LVIII 

650-word Mid-Year Reflections Show Just How Many Filler Words Andover Students Can Come up With 

Rebecca M. Sykes Wellness Center Counselors are to be Available All Night on Valentine’s Day for Students Who May be a Threat to Themselves and Others 

YES+ Advertises Love Better Week by Leaving Positive Pregnancy Tests around Campus

Students Who Leave Paresky Commons Tables Dirty Set to Face the Death Penalty

Jared Goff Named “Biggest Let-Down Ever” 

Zuckerberg Celebrates Facebook’s 20th Anniversary, Gets Extra Plate of Grasshoppers

PAPS Officer Gets Court-Martialed After Using Lethal Force on DoorDash Driver