I, an esteemed policy critic, have finally been perplexed. To quote the Blue Book, the sanctuary policy “provides students with a means of accessing support in situations where alcohol, drugs, and/or nicotine.” While this policy prioritizes safety, I feel it coddles this generation unfamiliar with the word “no.” These overgrown babies have still yet to learn how to change their diaper but know how to “rip a penjamin.” Though it is empowering to see safety put before punishment, I have some changes in mind. I recommend the person calling a sanctuary include either the words “locked in” or “tweaking for real” in their statement, to influence the next steps accordingly. Once evaluated at Rebecca M. Sykes Wellness Center, their parent or guardian is to assemble in a panel of authoritative figures. Deans, teachers, favorite Paresky Commons workers, the Salem Street crossing guard, and perhaps class representatives. Seated in the trustees’ room, the student has to explain the situation with utmost accuracy (devoid of speculation). They mustn’t break eye contact with their advisor, not even to read the script, which they should be reciting with a Shakespearian accent. With these small suggestions, the school would improve exponentially, and most likely reclaim its number one spot on Niche.
