It’s been a little more than a month and a half since students have moved into the dorms and started acclimating to campus. For many, this weekend is the first time they will have seen their guardians since coming to Andover. During Family Weekend, Guardians will get to tour their classes, watch sports matches, and see their children at school. Taking advantage of the fact that parents are on campus, the Masthead of The Phillipian encourages students and guardians to establish each others’ wants and needs. Students are not always diligent with calling home; parents may be left in the dark with regard to their children. Parents Weekend is the perfect time to get back on the same page.
First off, we would like to take the time to show our appreciation for our parents and desire to support our success at Andover. It can be hard to see your child leave for a new school that is, more often than not, a long way from home. And while adjusting to Andover as both a new and returning student is hard in its own ways, we’d also like to acknowledge that being a parent of a boarding student is hard too. For many students, up to our time at Andover, you, our guardians, have guided and shaped us into who we are when we first enter the Andover community. But now, it’s time for you to step back and let us grow on our own.
The Andover experience is set up to challenge students. Things don’t always go smoothly, but struggle isn’t failure at Andover. With struggle, students have the opportunity to learn self-advocacy while, in turn, allowing them to ask for help when needed and utilize the support structures of the school. Self-advocacy builds confidence, encourages active engagement in their multifaceted Andover career, and nurtures their growth. It is at Andover that many students learn to take responsibility for their actions, and if they are under a hovering guardian’s wing, they won’t. This experience hinges on the independence of the student, requiring them to recognize their current limitation and the resources they need to reach out to. Guardians should, as scary as it is, give their children the agency to fall, confident that they’d get back up and know how to persevere in the future.
It’s understandable that parents do not want to see their child fail, whether its receiving a low grade on a test or messing up a relationship with a peer. But these experiences are what make students really grow, both in experience and in intelligence. By giving them space to experiment and fall, parents are simultaneously helping develop their problem-solving skills and maturity in difficult situations. It is often said that what someone learns the most from are their failures, and we believe this to be ever the more true at Andover, a place where your child can fail and learn in safety.
Conversely, unnecessary parental restrictions can easily sour parent-child relationships. Children want to find their satisfyingly challenging path through Andover and experience joy and stress in both victories and setbacks. However ‘helicopter parenting,’ even in good faith, can stifle these integral parts of the Andover experience, and as a result, be negatively interpreted by students. Imperfect communication and extended time apart are the perfect conditions for misunderstandings to grow as they remain unaddressed. Luckily, Parents’ Weekend is the time to iron things out.
For some students, what they want most from their parents during these challenging years at Andover is someone they can lean on and confide in. Others need space to figure out exactly what they want to do and how they want to do it. We recognize that the relationship between each student and their guardian is different, and that means what a healthy and working relationship looks like will be different. For some, scheduled weekly calls are what work. For others, the occasional text is enough. Whatever it is, we urge guardians and their kids to talk to one another and figure out what exactly that is. This is often easier said than done. Mutual respect for each other’s wants and boundaries is critical for this discussion’s success. To students and guardians, take a moment and talk seriously.
