Club Name
The Pseudointellectual Society
Club Description
What will your club do? How often will it meet? What are the club’s goals/mission?
This club is for those who don’t “fit” in this generation of lazy slackerdom. This is the Ivy League of clubs on campus. The Pseudointellectual Society, aka “The Ephemeral Enlightenment Enthusiasts,” is the ultimate global and diverse club for the passionately curious, resilient, and innovative — the academic mavericks and philanthropic pioneers of our time. Equality: We’ll meet once a day, dressed in business casual attire because I can’t stand the sight of the potato sacks you all call fashion. Integrity: Each meeting is basically a roundtable discussion about the current -isms and/or -phobias on campus. We’ll ask abstract questions that even AI-driven quantum neuro-bioinformatics can’t answer and conclude with personal revelations that will blow your petite mind. Impactful engagement: Our mission is to empower teens with profound resilience and social empathy. Curiosity, leadership, resilience: We strive to offer accessible information about relevant topics (3.6 or higher GPA required for entry) and feed minds with the finest knowledge Instagram Reels spits out. We might even try to take on some charity work and educate the low-IQ folk, but only if it doesn’t interfere with our quest for inner peace and growth/justice/wellness mindset and elusive work-life balance. Who knows? It’s just the giving spirit embedded in the core values of the Pseudointellectual Society.
What will your club require to run? How much funding (remembering funding is scarce)? How much of a time commitment will your club require? Will you need special facilities or equipment to run?
We will need constant access to the Mural Room, a few lanyards, and one human-sized minifridge stocked with Red Bull, coffee, and whole milk. We don’t ask for much. A measly 10,000 dollars should suffice — inflation is crazy these days, I get it. This is a longtime commitment. Only the most committed, dedicated, and devoted should even consider taking part. Unfortunately, we’re unable to provide further details at this time since this information is classified for members only. Note that our primary requirement is the proper functioning of the mini-fridge; it’s absolutely essential for us.
If your club will work “through” a particular department have you discussed that with them?
We have spoken with the Board of Trustees. Consider it handled.
Faculty Advisor
Our superior minds are the only advisors we need.
Meeting Time and Location
Wouldn’t you like to know.
