The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Climate Activists Outraged After Discovering Senile Career Politician Did Not Hold Promise

Senior Distraught That Their Coveted Position as Eco Leader Means Little to Colleges

Statistics Student Records Data for Only Two Genders, Sent to Brace Center for Rehabilitation

In Miserable Attempt at Rebranding, Salisbury Steak Makes Cameo at Wednesday Lunch

Mentalist Ruins Loving Relationship

Don’t Worry, Colleges Care That Your History Teacher Is Harder Than Mine

Sassy Commons Worker Is New Posterboy for Workplace Inclusivity

Esty Furious After Mistaking 2024 Class Hand Gesture for Supremacist Hate Symbol