The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

RayK Buys Blue Check on Twitter, Claims It “Just Showed Up One Day”

Trustees Explain Why Battling Grade Inflation is More Important Than Battling Climate Change

ASM Speaker/Past Co-Pres Doesn’t Know How He Did it All in High School, His Prefectee with an Adderall Prescription Does

Tucker Carlson to Join 8th Page

Schizophrenic HSS300 Student Dismissed After Letting Imaginary Friend Write Term Paper

Data Shows Phillipian Will Lose $690M if 8th Page Leaves

Seniors Share That “Time at Andover is Limited” in Senior Remarks, Uppers Ecstatic