The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Teacher Accused of Cheating by Using A.I. to Detect A.I.-created Essays
Library Hand Dryer Found to Produce More Decibels Than Jet Engine, Still Can’t Dry Hands
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Community Outraged After Student Wearing Dog Collar is Taken by Animal Control
Kington Exposed After Attempting to Bribe Phillipian to Bump Up SOTA Approval Rating
Deans Team and CaMD Release Rap Cover Called ‘Still E.B.I.’
Paris Agreement Officially Dissolved Following World-Changing Effects of P.A. Earth Week
Predicted Zinefest Attendance Drops 500% Following Reveal That ‘Zine’ Isn’t Spelled Z-Y-N
Dr. Kington Reveals Secret to His Iconic Hairstyle; Cites Walter White as Main Influence