The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on The Paths

“You’ve gotta admit, he was a military genius.”

“Give me five minutes to dry my testicles.”

“Did you know that if you get enough absences on BlueLink it loops back to zero?”

“Maybe ChatGPT got the idea from me, not the other way around.”

“My pet squirrel escaped!”

“Will my baller Spikeball skills get me clout amongst the Freshman girls?”

“He’s a ten… but he religiously wears flip-flops.”

“Isn’t it a little weird how much time admissions officers spend obsessing over eighth graders?”

“My lungs would have collapsed by Mile Two.”