The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Breaking News: Man Takes Off Hat, Solves World Hunger
Administration Confident that GAP2 Will Put an End to All Nefarious Activity on Campus
Eighth Page Has All-Male Editorship, Suddenly Funny Again
Sykes Declares Public Health Emergency After Bassment Dance Starts Mono Outbreak
Dr. RayK To Add Extra Day Of School After Learning HOSD Does Not Honor Him
“GAP3: Return Of The Jedi” Set to Release Next Fall
Breaking News: Commons Pollock Found to Be Original Source of Covid
Local Head of School Shocked to Realize Students Prefer Free Time to 55 Minutes of Indoctrination