The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: What The Academy Cut From the Land Acknowledgement

“We are committed to profit off the Native land and have no intentions of giving it back.”

“We honor the land by playing lacrosse and all the other Native American sports.”

“We acknowledge our presence on the traditional land of the Pen-nah-cook Confederacy, Wah-bah-nah-kee Confederacy, and Wahm-pah-noe-ag Peoples (if you mess up, just make it up as you go — no one will notice).”

“We strive to create a more inclusive community by raising our acceptance rate from 9.5 to 10 percent.”

“We will continuously be mindful of the land we are on by taking more aesthetic drone shots for our instagram @phillipsacademy.”