The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Systemic Racism Shivering at Sight of Andover’s New Task Force Acronyms

BBQ Incident Caused by Freshman Who Witnessed Reddit Post On “Similarities Between BBQ Sauce and Fluids Inside Vaginal Canal.”

Non Sibi Student: “If a Dean Finds My Cart, Just Let a Russian Arms Dealer Take My Spot”

In Effort to State Opinion on Issue of National Emergency, Academy Declares January 6 Heroic Defense of Freedom

ChatGPT Definitely Wrote Your Teacher’s Dissertation

Student Writes Paper Connecting Horrors of Child Labor to Time He Had to Shovel the Snow off of House Counselors Car

YES+ Members Stumped When Asked Whether They Use Finger Condoms

For Less Christocentric Caroling, A Capella Groups to Sing Adam Sandler’s “The Hanukkah Song”

Attentive ASM Behavior: Applauding When Speaker Admits to Sending Kid to Hospital

Imagine Getting Rejected By An Upper And the College You Thought Was a Safety