The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on The Paths

“What do you mean you ‘don’t ski?’”

“My Secret Santa got me a life size cut out of herself.”

“Smash SBF, marry Caroline Ellison, kill the SEC”

“Can we just take the squirrels or do we have to pay for them?”

“I wouldn’t call my mom liberal, but she certainly cares about all sorts of people.”

“Are you sure that’s a dean? I’m pretty sure that’s a kindergarten boy riding a bicycle.”

“In my defense, I didn’t know that racoon was rabid”

“I just tell myself that I’m the danger and that I can do anything. Then I’m dialed for my Math 225 test”

“Can’t trust him, he said the pollock was lowkey not that bad”

“Did you seriously just ask ‘Who is St. Barths?’”

“I wish my house counselor’s children were as well trained as their dogs.”