Phillipian Satire: 8P's Annual Gift Guide

Gift Guide (This year, chemistry teachers get nothing):

One way ticket to Russia for your least favorite uncle
Height-increasing insoles for your sneaky link who’s still waiting on that growth spurt
Used Prius (BMWs are so last year)
Rizz
Loftus International Blow Up Judy Doll (in case rizz is out of stock)
Head
Elie Weisel’s Night for overzealous Kanye fans
Tickets to a silent retreat for that person who won’t just shut the fu…
Scale that calculates your moon weight
Extended release viagra
A sexy Cameo from Tucker Carlson
A hot priest at your disposal
A Hulu account (this is not a joke, please dad)
25 dollar Brazzers gift card

Phillipian Satire: 8P’s Annual Gift Guide