The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: What Does The Exonian Do On Off Weeks? (Going bi-weekly isn’t soft)

What The Exonian Does on Our Weeks Off (Going biweekly isn’t soft…)

Read the 8th page

Repeatedly refresh the page hoping we’ll be at the top

Plan how we can make even uglier

Read old legal documents to keep our dry, humorless writing skills sharp

Hang out with all of our friends, who totally exist! (they just go to a different school and don’t believe in Instagram.)

Finish our homework, and for our break, do our English homework for fun!

Contemplate all the life decisions that led us to be in such an underwhelming student organization. Maybe try to get into debate again…

Make study playlists that consist only of underground Austrian goat music

Spend hours practicing our witty A/E comebacks in the mirror

Blame race as the “only” reason we got rejected from Andover

Sketch models for prisons

Watch “How to Kiss” YouTube videos

Adhere to our mission statement: “The first role of the paper is to chronicle Exeter’s history” –– a biweekly history…